When you’re in the closet, the power that people have over you is revealing your secret. If anything, they’ll often say something to the effect of, “Well, I was waiting for you to own whatever identities you inhabit.” So I think that what I would say, in terms of my own experience, is that I think a lot of it is about emotional clarity. The reality is, oftentimes when people come out-whether it’s earlier in life or later in life-I don’t necessarily think people are always that surprised. But I think that the self-acceptance part is important. And then there’s the more public-facing part that you share with other people. I guess the most straightforward thing to say is coming out is very much about these two layers: there’s the coming out to yourself, and understanding who you are. I tend to think about things from that lens, of where I am today. “It’s not your role to make other people comfortable”
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